Hey there!
long time no see. Its been… ummm well i even forget when was the last time i wrote in this blog. andy why do i write again? to be honest i really missed writing again. it helps me organize my thoughts.
So, what was happening in my life since …. 1 or 2 years ago??
First news I have graduated from my diploma in 3d design majoring in Furniture Design(yayyyyyyy!!!!!!). And no, it does not make me a designer yet. it took a long journey to actually be THE DESIGNER.
Currently I am working as an Interior Designer in a construction firm(hence the fancy title, what i do mostly are drafting really). I am start to enter another phase of life. I would like to call this phase "off the grid".
Why do i called it that way? it is mostly because of the lack of pattern that can be seen in this phase. It wasn't like school years when you know for certain that after middle school you will go to high school and after that college. this phase is like an invisible maze that you can't see what awaits you at the other end of the maze when you finish it. it is so unpredictable that your every move matter to your end result that yet you uncertain of.
Some people likes this phase more than the grid. It is thrilling and it does not have rules. for those rule benders or maybe breakers they will definitely thrive in this "Off the grid" phase. Still, what you do matters.
it terrifies me when i come face to face with this phase. it happened just right at my convocation day.
By the way, that was me and my parents. (hi mom, hi dad!)
the enlightenment strikes me and gave me a big question to ask, what do i do next? Of course me being a coward try to escape from it. trying to look for excuses extending my life in the grid. I tried to apply for courses when i don't know what i want to do in my life. I tried to look for jobs but did not focus on it. If was a bad 4 months of my life. it feels like hope is gone. i see myself in a very bad image. i just realize that i could be the loser of this community. those jobless people that could not survive.
i know i am not that, i just couldn't help it to think that way. being 22 yeas old and does not know what to do it is quiet bad. it makes me feel like i am running out of time. It is not like when i was 16 and every fantasy of your life could be possible. When you start to enter 21, things are getting serious. It just like being chase by a beast called time.
now things are getting better. well at least a little. i got a job which is good (i can support myself now). in this job, i got to do some things that i did not likes to do. Yet it gives me clarity in my mind. I just realize that being an interior designer is not what i want to do for the rest of my life. although i haven't find what i want to do in life at least i have an idea on what i don't want to do which is a good thing right?
Sometimes i wonder if i was teenage again what would i do?
please tell me what would you do. if you read this or not.
now looking forward i am still in the adventure of of the invisible maze to find myself and the ultimate prize that i have to chase.
Lastly, i want to close this post with a quote from someone that i know,
"the greatest failure in life is not participating"- Earnest Wong.
God Bless us all.
There is a particular character that I've been obsessing on which is Stiles Stilinski played by Dylan O'brien.
Look ho cute he is… In the show his character were outspoken, loving, loyal and a little nerdy kind of guy. He is not the popular ones but the nice guy (oh how i wish nice guys are as cute as he is). Although as we knew, nice guy finish last but this particular nice guy has caught a lot of attention to the fans and becoming one of the most loved character in the show.
When it comes to fans, sometimes the line between loving and obsessing over something become blurry. it was so blur that it blinds our mind. The crazy thing about being fans is actually the thing we that we love and obsess about is the character they played which sometimes is non existence in the real life. A girl being a girl, they still love them anyway. Sometimes, it makes me realize how crazy i am to be obsessed with something that actually does not exist. From there i usually started to get curious about the real person inside those role. the real personality of the actors.
i guess from then on people started to get pretty harsh on chasing and interfere those public figure's personal life. They stalk them, looking for gossip and news about the actor/actress they like or maybe love or even obsessed. It were sort of a way to looking for a connection with them. To know them in person.
So, as a fan girl i do really know how it feels to be someone's fans. I don't know if the face they put in public is just a facade or who they really are. The curiosity that we have, the hysteria and silly things that we do are the act of our love to you.
Anyway, Dylan O'Brien if one day you stumble upon this post that came out of nowhere. If you read this you are awesome, I do really appreciate your work. I still wish to know you in person. There is a very big chance that i would never meet you. Just know this, like a youtuber Josh Sundquist always say, We should hang out sometimes!
and here is more of Dylan's cute pics!
